First scene: Blue Bank, local branch. I am inquiring about opening an account. I have been listening to the clerk for minutes. He decided to impress me with the bank's fee structure. He is polite, enthusiastic and detailed. Finally, after five or so excruciating minutes he recommends me the XYZ account package. His selling point: I can save a dollar and fifty cents – maybe a dollar 80?, two dollars? I could not remember for the life of me – on the monthly fee if I go along with his recommendation. He is smiling at me like someone who just finished a job well done. Yet all I feel is that Blue Bank is just like Green Bank or Purple Bank: different colors but almost identical offers, wrapped in indifference about who I am and what I want. Or what I find important. Or avoidable and risky. Nothing about me was part of this sales conversation. While I was listening to the frontal lecture one question kept popping into my head: Why doesn't he ask me a question before trying to sell me on something I do not care about? Like saving a couple of dollars on the monthly fee? Just a simple, open question, combined with attentive listening: "What brings you to us, sir? What do you find important about banking that you expect us to deliver?” Such a simple act of empathy would have made a world of difference in terms of his sales pitch. Without that our “discussion” was useless from the customer acquisition point of view.
Second scene: also a bank branch, but this time there is a hostage drama going on. SWAT teams surrounded the branch. There is an armed offender and 5-10 hostages inside. The hostage negotiator arrives at the scene. He picks up a phone with the hostage taker on the other end of the line. What do you think the hostage negotiator should do first?
Option 1) Dominate the situation! The negotiator should use his leverage to make the hostage-taker understand that he is no match to the opposing forces. The negotiator should firmly describe the situation to the hostage-taker: "Look, you have no chance. We surrounded the building. Our snipers are on every roof. SWAT teams are at the door. We identified you based on surveillance camera footage. We know where you live, how you planned to get away and with whom. It’s over. Come out or we're going in!”
Option 2) Take control of the situation! The negotiator should work to avoid the use of force: a high risk situation. He should introduce himself, then ask some open-ended questions, then listen. Actively and attentively. Let the other party talk and gather information in the process. Map out the hostage-taker's motivation, observe the characteristics and style of his communication, create a quick and dirty personality profile and find out his real objective. Create negotiation tactics and a strategy that are a match to this particular case. Persuade the hostage-taker to end the situation without him or the hostages being hurt.
The moral of the story: professional hostage negotiators go for Option 2. Without knowing the other party, it is impossible for the negotiator to intervene effectively. That is why he listens, that's why he asks questions before proposing, suggesting, or demanding anything. He does not want to dominate the other party, but wants to resolve the situation. Of course, a sales dialogue is not a hostage negotiation. But salespeople can learn from hostage negotiators, because the two situations are psychologically similar. The customer is king as much as the hostage-taker, while he has control over the hostages. We cannot and should not rely on force in these situations. We need to build rapport and develop trust and cooperation. And for this there are two simple tools at everyone’s disposal: ask questions and listen actively.
