Krav Maga training session. It is not for professional fighters, but for ordinary people. They seek a good form of exercise, some thrill, strengthening their self-esteem, in a safe and controlled environment. Yet, they expect to learn something that makes it more probable to come out from a violent situation without getting harmed. Both physically and mentally.
As usual, after the warm-up phase of doing the beloved jumping jacks and jumping ropes, the next task is light sparring. It is a simulated fight, when the participants are supposed to control the force of the punches and kicks, showing that „I could have got you here, if I wanted to”.
One of the fighters Laszlo (yours, truly) is a middle aged, 90 kg man. The opponent is a younger female, let’s call her Zita, a person of a light build. Zita apparently wants to stay at a good distance, concentrating on administering low and middle kicks. Makes sense. But when she does so, she gets closer, and she lets her guard down. Therefore, her head is unprotected. Laszlo „punishes” her with a jab-hook combo to the head. It happens three or four times in a row. Laszlo is supposed to hit her with about 50% of the full force punch, but he is not comfortable with that. He only slaps lightly the tip of his gloves against Zita’s cheeks. After a while Zita stops, her face blushed with embarrassment and asks Laszlo to stop slapping her face. Laszlo is confused and ashamed. Did he humiliate a woman, by slapping her? Or, possibly, is it patronizing not hitting her with 50% of full force (which is – let’s be honest - still way out of her comfort zone)? He kind of apologizes and stops using his hands to counterattack. They discuss this after the session: good communication, no hard feelings, happy ending. Nonetheless, the sparring part of the training session is wasted for both of them.
In Martial Arts and self defense systems it is obvious that the essence is to train against violence. It is also obvious that training is not a simple knowledge transfer. Reading a book, watching a video, participating in a webinar or even training with a punchbag will not make you good to go. It may be unpleasant at times, but to gain useful knowledge and skills, you need to train with someone who fights back.
Conflict management, defensive communication, security oriented situational awareness and similar, risk related trainings often miss this point. Participants can assume that learning about these subjects is like watching a cooking tutorial on YouTube (by the way: Jacques Pepin still rules!). In case you follow the recipe, and don’t overdo the browning of the chicken thighs, your result will be good.
Yet, conflict management and communication are not done with parts of dead animals or equally dead vegetables. They involve dealing with people. And people may be kind and cooperative or they may not be. They might strive to achieve something which is against your interest. They might go for a win instead of a win-win. They might have a personality which is deeply disturbing, and have a section in the DSM-5. Some of them may use physical violence to reach their objective. These are problems you will not „solve” with a nice phrase, even if it is supposed be assertive. That is why we believe that even if we train to de-escalate conflict or to go for a non-competitive outcome, it is important to simulate the ill-intent, the escalatory nature or the aggression of the other party. The use of realistic (foul) language, using role-players to act as an aggressive character, inducing elevated stress by having to perform under time pressure – there is a variety of methods we employ and trust. To make sure that our training participants understand the relevance of these elements in our training and leave with knowledge and skills applicable in real life situations we follow these rules:
We match the training method, exercise type and intensity to the objective, prior experience and capacities of our trainees also taking into account psychological and ethical considerations.
„Do no harm” is paramount. Slightly less effective training is a lesser evil than causing trauma.
Our trainers need to reflect upon the nature, the scale and the necessity of these negative elements as possible stressors.
We give frank, detailed and realistic explanations on what is going to happen and why prior to these types of exercises.
We conduct an After Action Review with our trainees and trainers, role players.
To sum it up: reflection, discussion, elaboration are key for experiential learning, our core training method.